På högtidsdagar är det tanken som räknas

Posted on June 28, 2010
Filed Under Dagens Sherpa | 4 Comments

Min syster tog nyligen studenten. Båda mina bröder tvekade om de skulle komma till hemstaden och fira henne. Båda frågade henne om hon tyckte att det var viktigt att de kom. Jag tror att det var ett smärre moraliskt misstag.

Vi vill att våra närstående ska dela våra högtidsdagar, men vi vill också att de ska vilja dela dem, för sin egen skull. Frågan ”vill du att jag kommer?” kan betyda mycket, exempelvis ”är jag viktig för dig?”. Men ofta betyder den ”jag ser ingen större poäng med att komma för min egen skull men om du vill kan jag komma för din skull”. Bara att ställa frågan, som ser ut som ett erbjudande, kan därför innebära att vi misslyckas med att leva upp till festföremålets förhoppning och förväntan.

Mer allmänt: Vad vi gör beror delvis på hur vi pratar och tänker om det vi gör. Ett exempel: Att rädda en person i nöd med det uttalade syftet att hjälpa henne för hennes skull är något av ett hjältedåd. Att rädda en person i nöd med det uttalade syftet att inräkna en stor belöning är något annat.

Att dela högtidsdagar är en del av vad det innebär att följa en person i livet och på det viset stå henne nära. En förutsättning är förstås att tillfällena i fråga verkligen är högtidsdagar och inte enbart gamla konventioner som vi inte bryr oss om. Frågan “vill du att jag kommer” kan möjligen också betyda “är detta en verklig högtidsdag?”. Men har någon bjudit in till ett firande så är rimligen den frågan därmed besvarad.

Jag har i andra sammanhang hört folk resonera som så att de ändå inte kommer hinna prata/umgås med festföremålet, som ju kommer vara omringad av uppvaktning. Men poängen med att dela högtidsdagar är inte att få kvalitetstid på tu man hand. Tvärtom är en del av poängen att festföremålet ska vara fullständigt överöst med uppmärksamhet. Att delta är delvis att låta någon annan vara viktig och att låta sig själv försvinna i mängden. Men framför allt är poängen att just du är där, att din är en av alla de blickar som festföremålet får möta, och att ni senare (i lugn och ro) kan minnas tillfället tillsammans.

Man kan förstås tillmäta deltagande i högtidsdagar olika stor vikt. Men först måste man förstå poängen med att delta i dem.

/Kalle

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